dear cat lady,

I've known for awhile now that I'm allergic to cats, dogs, and almost all other furry creatures. I can't be in the same room, let alone same house, with them for too long before my eyes start itching, my nose gets stuffy, and my outlook on life goes down the drain. No offense to you, my friend, who obviously loves those animals! I've got nothing against the four legged things! They are God's creatures after all. It's just that my life is easier when I stay away. In highschool I got a hand-me-down babysitting job for Mr. Marshall's cats: BonTon, Bailey, and.... Hurley? Hmm, I can't remember the 3rd cat's name... but it was them who first made my allergies come to life. Thanks kitties. I also babysat real kids for another wonderful family, and they had dogs too. Punky & Gravelina. I loved those dogs. At night, after the kids had gone to bed, Punky would usually make her way upstairs to sleep in Mom's bed while she could get away with it, but Gravel would climb up on the couch and keep me company while I did homework. I don't remember my allergies being a big deal around those poochies, but then again, that home was spotlessly clean. Not a fur in sight. But sweetie, the other day when I was at Sterns, standing next to you in line, I started feeling that itchy eyeness thing that normally triggers when I accidentally sit on a sofa covered in fur. (It happens more often than you'd think.) I looked around, wondering if there was a seeing eye dog in the store, or a stray cat sneaking around... but I couldn't see any animals. I did, however, see you: the lady standing behind me, bless your puppy loving heart, and I couldn't help but notice the fur (that I first mistaked as a fur coat) on your clothes. Definitely dog hair. Now - is it possible that I really could have been having a reaction simply by standing next to someone who owned a dog? Who knows? But as we both made our way out of the store, I had to laugh when I saw the, not one, not two, but three huge muts jumping around in the back seat of your car. I'm pretty sure they were dogs, anyway... Since the windows were coated in dried (and wet) saliva, it made it a bit difficult to tell for sure, but then the barking gave it away. I wondered if they were barking at me, but then I saw the cat on the front seat and decided he was more likely the culprit. I think my allergies really were acting up, just by being in your presence. Proud? Now, I'm not trying to be rude. I'm not even saying you have to take a shower or wash your clothes. All I'm saying, is that if someone can simply stand next to you in line, and have an allergic reaction... you might consider downsizing the petting zoo. That's all I'm trying to say, that's all.

Yours Truly,
Kindof (but not wanting to be rude) Disgusted

PS But if you wanted to wash your clothes, it probably wouldn't hurt.